Brand New Fic of the Week: 8/6-8/12

August 08, 2010

Edroar the Angry Lion by Tropical Sorbet
Reviewed by KylaPricky

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Characters: Edward/Bella

Summary: Edroar the Angry Lion frightens all the girls and boys at Cullen Publishing with his loud roar. Will his new masseuse Bella Swan run away like all the rest, or can she tame this savage beast? AH/AU OOC

Bella Swan, the masseuse, has jumped at the opportunity of a new job at the Cullen Publishing house as the CEO’s, otherwise known as our boy Edward Cullen, personal masseuse. (Yeah, I know right? I totally don’t even need to write any more of this review for you to be interested, but still here it goes). She wants the job even though she has heard nothing but awful things regarding this tyrant of a boss. She is even told that his own employees wrote a book based on him, Edroar the Angry Lion.

Edroar the Angry Lion is a children’s book about an angry lion that scares everyone away with his angry roar and to keep them away and stay alone in the jungle.

And within the first few minutes of meeting Edward, this feisty, non-fearing Bella Swan decides that she wants to see just how nasty Edward Cullen’s roar actually is...for herself.

“She put a hand on each of my shoulders, and announced joyfully, "Mr. Cullen, this is your new masseuse, Bella Swan."


There was complete silence for an uncomfortable amount of time.

I didn't want to blatantly stare at him, yet my nosy nature couldn't help but to eye this infamous man quite thoroughly.

It may sound weird, but the first thing I noticed about him…was his hair. It just seemed to contradict all else around him.

You couldn't … not… notice it.

It was completely disheveled. Strands of it were poking out in all directions. Even the color of it was unclear. I saw shades of brown, gold and even touches of bronze sweeping through it.
Curiously my eyes moved lower, down to his face.

I flinched from the fierce look his haunted green eyes were giving me. Instinctively, I turned away, from the sheer intensity of his fiery gaze.

It felt like he could grab me… with his eyes.

I watched the floor for a few moments, and then my eyes were drawn back up to his once again. I blinked rapidly, and continued to explore. I made my way around the outer edge of his face.
I noticed the strong masculine cut of his jaw line. It looked like it was etched in stone, almost inhuman really, except I could see the light stubble on his pale, white, skin.

My eyes flickered over to his lips, tightly pursed, and I could tell from the moment I saw them, they were used as a weapon to unleash whatever lurked within.

I carefully scanned his desk, and noticed how organized it was. I don't mean just neat. Only a person suffering from some form of OCD could orchestrate such order.

"Miss Swan," his velvety smooth voice uttered, finally acknowledging my existence.”

Their first meeting only goes south from there and this Bella promises to keep us in stitches as she tries to figure out and tame the beast that is Edward Cullen.

Bella’s best friend Jasper describes her as having the “...face of an angel…and the mouth of a sailor,” and that is such an awesome combination. This Bella is absolutely hilarious wrapped in pure win. She has kept me laughing from the very beginning and hasn’t let up.

“It seemed my personality was a major turn off for most guys. So after a totally disastrous dating record, I decided it was time to end my search for Mr. Right. I finally figured out that some girls were just meant to be alone. I quickly became a fan of smutty stories and self love. Though lately… I had the distinct feeling that even my long time vibrator, Dickie, was looking to see other people.”

This story has a really interesting and distinct premise that I haven’t seen anything like in any other fic. The placement is so creative and the supporting characters have been peppered in effortlessly and their roles no matter how big or how small, help roll along the hilarity of this story. You have to check this fic out, well, for many reasons but her description of receptionist Jessica, alone will have you in a fit of giggles. This Bella truly cracks me up and I’m loving every bit of her.

I truly can’t wait to see how this battle between the lion and the lion tamer (or if he isn’t careful slayer may be a more appropriate term) is going to play out. This Edward is one of those hot jerks that we just loooove and ache to hate. I can’t wait to see what lies behind his scary roar. Edward shows us that there is no way he is going to show Bella any part of him without a fight and this Bella got her punching gloves on.

This fic is four chapters in, and trust you don’t want to miss all the WIN this story has to offer.


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