An Open Letter About Respect

March 29, 2012
I want to say that I have removed the review and will no longer pimp out the new fic from this week. I cannot, in good conscience, leave it up after the events of last night. I am not going to repeat the events, nor mention any names here.

I have been doing this for almost two years now and never have I been as upset about something as I was last night. I am so proud of what we have created here, and extremely grateful to the people that help me on this blog, from my staff to anyone who has reviewed for us to repeat guest reviewers. It amazes me that these wonderful people take time out of their busy lives to help me and for nothing in return except the feeling of helping out another.

That being said, Jaime has been with me from nearly day one. She has grown so much in her art since she started and I am so proud of her and the work that she does. She is also my good friend and I was so hurt about what was said. We have never consulted an author about a banner that we make and never, ever in the time we have done this, has anyone complained about that, in fact, they are mostly thrilled that we provided that service. I guess I am just a sap in the fact that I like the author to be surprised about the review, and sometimes the banner, that we make for them. I’ve never seen someone be offended that people took the time out of their lives, with no pay, and read their story and review or create something out of it. I would like to apologize to Jaime and Tracy, for going out of their way for this.

There was a proper way to go about the situation. If you do not like something someone has created out of the goodness of their heart, you say thank you. You explain that you have a banner you just love and would rather use that instead. You do it in private. You keep your thoughts to yourself.  I would be thrilled if someone just up and created a banner for one of my stories, what a beautiful form of flattery. 

I just have to say that the overwhelming support that was shown last night for Jaime really touched me and I have to say thank you.

Sincerely,

Lori
aka @Dragonfly336 on Twitter
aka Dragnfli Threethreesix on FB

56 comments:

  1. sarabara081 said...:

    Very well said Lori. :)

  1. Anonymous said...:

    While I understand where you're coming from with this, I do find it curious that you are not addressing the lack of respect shown on the other side of this incident. For a Twitter follower of Jaime to tell the writer, and I quote "BITCHY EGOTISTICAL AUTHOR", "bitch" and "GTFO". All of this in a public forum, no less. How is that respect? Is that really the sort of support you find touching? I would like to think that we in the fandom would be able to speak with each other like adults and not resort to school yard bullying, but that's clearly not the case. So while I appreciate your thought out and well written letter, the message you are trying to convey pales when looking at the Twitter incident and what was said on both sides.

  1. IndieFicPimp said...:

    While I appreciate your anonomously posted comment...I would like to say that she tweeted out to all of twitter about how she did not like something someone made for her. Even if she wasn't "consulted." Jaime has made at least 75-100 banners and NOT ONE author has complained. Jaime told her that she was "offended and And a bit pissed that I spent my time on making something. Please Lori remove it #tactless" Was there name calling there? Jaime also said "there was a better way to handle it. I think how you've gone about it is so out there...No worries though it's gone." I didn't see names being called there either. To which the author replied replied "It's wrong to put MY NAME on something for MY STORY without asking me. It's mine, and it means something to me." I hope no one ever makes her a fan banner if that is the response you get. Jaime didn't call her names. All the author had to do was dm and ask to take it down, that she had a banner she loved for it already. Her actions caused people to respond to her that way. I was not condoning the name calling, simply the tweets I saw supporting Jaime and her amazing talent. If you would like to have an adult conversation with me...please do...i am at twitter @dragonfly336 but then again, i have no idea who you are.

  1. dreamersdaze said...:

    Well I think this was a very classy way to handle this incident on Indie Fic Pimp's part.

    And to madame anonymous....I'd just like to point out...this blog isn't responsible for anything that anyone else might have said in defense of Jaime.

    This letter is addressing the lack of respect shown to this blog, and the people involved in trying to do something nice for the author in question. It's about what happened between them...not how anyone else may have gotten involved in the frey. There were just as many people supporting the author in question that got involved and used colorful language. And let's remember that the only reason this whole thing escalated...is because of the author's poor choice in wording and lack of respect towards the people here. Disrespect begets more disrespect after all.

    Again...I'm really proud of you guys here at Indie Fic Pimp...and I support you all full heartedly.

  1. irishchicka1 said...:

    I don't know what happened, nor do I need to. Just wanted to say how much appreciation I have for ya'll. You didn't know me, but you all pimped out my little fic and Jaime made that incredible banner (out of the goodness of her heart) and no one asked her to, that is such a nice & caring thing to do. I'm sorry something/someone made you feel that way. Just wanted to say thank you guys for all you do!

    Xoxo, Irish

  1. twilly said...:

    Anonymous, those were not the only support that came out for Jaime and I don't think IFP was advocating that at all.

    But when you sent a deluge of SHOUTYCAP tweets thirty seconds after you announce a DM on the public TL saying things like "HOW DARE YOU" and "SUBSTANDARD" to and about one of the kindest, most giving, talented and most liked people in the fandom, you should pretty much expect some reactionary backlash. Even with the C word.

  1. irishchicka1 said...:

    I don't know what happened, nor do I need to. Just wanted to say how much appreciation I have for ya'll. You didn't know me, but you all pimped out my little fic and Jaime made that incredible banner (out of the goodness of her heart) and no one asked her to, that is such a nice & caring thing to do. I'm sorry something/someone made you feel that way. Just wanted to say thank you guys for all you do!

    Xoxo, Irish

  1. irishchicka1 said...:

    I don't know what happened, nor do I need to. Just wanted to say how much appreciation I have for ya'll. You didn't know me, but you all pimped out my little fic and Jaime made that incredible banner (out of the goodness of her heart) and no one asked her to, that is such a nice & caring thing to do. I'm sorry something/someone made you feel that way. Just wanted to say thank you guys for all you do!

    Xoxo, Irish

  1. Angela said...:

    This blog has handled this very well and with a lot of dignity. Anything anyone else says in response, that doesn't have anything to do with this blog.

    And to be completely honest, I think the author in question brought this on herself when she publicly embarrassed and berated Jamie and IFP for the gift they presented her.

    But of course this is my OPINION.

  1. ayahpapaya said...:

    I'm so sorry this happened at all. There are too many people in this world who take others' generosity for granted, and it's shameful. I have no idea about the surrounding circumstances, but I can tell you that when my story was recc'd, I was beyond grateful.

    This blog has always been very generous, and more than fair. I have found, and reviewed many stories because of it. I wish you many happy returns, on all the good that you do.

  1. Mel said...:

    Yup...Well played on all parts here at IFP...I adore both Jamie and Lori and they do awesome work with this blog. And I agree with Angela, the author only brought it upon herself for being so rude and self consumed.

  1. mugglemom08 said...:

    I witnessed all of this first-hand, and it all could've been avoided if the author had simply said "thank you". The banner was a gift, and when someone gives you a gift, you thank them. Whether you like it or not. Whether you asked for it or not (she actually said she didn't have to thank Jaime b/c she didn't ask for the banner).

  1. TwiStar_Junkie said...:

    I've read what happened and I hate that this happened to Jaime. She's given me two wonderful banners already. I think IFP handled this beautifully and will continue supporting you guys 100%. You've done so much for my fic in terms of pimping and getting it out there and I owe you guys BIG TIME! It's sad that off color things were said in defense of Jaime, regardless of their intentions, but even without the actual name calling, what was said to Jaime was just over the top and wrong. If they didn't like it, they should've handled it like an adult and actually been grateful rather than petulant.

  1. BellaClary said...:

    I am so appalled at how the author handled the situation, I cant even imagine feeling that way about a fan made banner. I've had a few people make me things for my fics and I am always so incredibly honored that someone would even care enough about my writing to make me something, to take time out of their life to do that! I could never see it as an insult to my fic or to me. The edit or banner they make is how they see my fic and how they interpret it. I am in full support of Jaime and IFP handled this situation perfectly.
    That author has definitely sealed her fate with me and some others who will not be reading her fanfics any time soon ( or never ).

  1. Angela said...:

    I honestly think pulling the review was for the best. The attention the review and banner would have brought to the author would have been undeserving. It's obvious by her reaction that she seems to believe that she's above this fandom, since making fan art, doing reviews and making banners are one of the greatest things about this place. Its amazing to see the creativity that the fans have, the way that they see the characters you're writing. Don't we do the same thing with SM's name, use her characters as inspiration to make something enjoyable (we hope LOL). As an author that's received banners without consent first, it's truly a VERY flattering moment. To not simple say thank you and take it for what it was, A COMPLIMENT, is baffling to me. I do not know this author personally, nor do I read her stories, but I have seen the banner that was made for her. And honestly, based off that banner, I would have hit the link and gave the story a read. I think Jamie did a great job.

  1. beegurl13 said...:

    First of all, I'd like to make perfectly clear that I did not see any of what was said last night or today between the author/banner maker/supporters in this situation. I'm just making some over all comments that I feel might apply in this instance. I am not crowning anyone with innocence or burdening them with guilt, I'm just saying the first things that come to mind when reading the aftermath of this latest crapfest.

    Is it a nice thing to make someone a banner for their story? Yes, it is. Is it a nice thing to tell someone, in a polite way, that you do not appreciate their gift? Yes, it is. That being said, if an author doesn't agree with a banner, feeling that it's not a precise representation of their work, should they be forced to act like they like it and accept it because it was made for them? No, they shouldn't. I agree, there is a discrete way to address this, and in this situation, maybe that didn't happen. That's unfortunate.

    Another unfortunate thing is the assumption that someone will be overjoyed at a gift. When we give gifts, it should never be because we want praise or respect or a thank you, it should be because we want to give it, and the joy from that should be enough. Just because you do something for someone else doesn't mean they are required to praise you. Not in real life, and certainly on in a fan fic fandom. The joy of the service itself should be all the giver expects, and if there is any praise or thanks, then that just adds to it. People should feel free to express their true feelings about things without being ridiculed or publicly slaughtered for it. That's how I feel, and I know I'm not the only person who thinks that way.

    I've been really saddened by a lot of the things happening in our fandom lately, and this just seems to be another incident to add to the ever growing pile. If we could all treat each other with a little common courtesy and respect, we wouldn't have these situations to deal with. Is it too much to ask that we turn the other cheek when offended? Or that we get over ourselves when we feel someone isn't treating us the way we think we deserve to be treated? I know there's always been a "fandom royalty" or a hierarchy, but recently things have gotten out of hand. We're all equal here, or should be. We should show respect for the talents that others possess without being juvenile and cutting them down so that they will "know their place." This fandom wouldn't exist without authors, banner makers, pimpers, and readers, and people in each of those positions should be respectful of people in other positions. Talent is talent, and the guts it takes to share that should be respected and admired. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, though I may be the only one who will say it.

    I appreciate the lovely reviews that this site has posted, and I've always enjoyed the banners that have been made. It's a nice thing for you to do, and I know how much work it is since I've done both of those things for the past two years, too. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt in all of this, but I think it's important to remember that maybe the feelings of this author were hurt, too. I hope that you'll be able to put this incident behind you, maybe learn some things from it and remember them in the future, and go on to post many more story reviews and make many more banners for them. It would be a shame for this one incident to ruin something that can be so positive and uplifting to many people.

    Like I said, I'm not laying blame anywhere here, just saying what's on my mind after reading this post and the comments left for it. While I know we shouldn't be held accountable for what others might say in our support, we also shouldn't encourage that behavior when it's so blatantly disrespectful and cruel. Just treat others as you would like to be treated, and I think we'll all get along much better. :)

  1. Angela said...:

    I agree with Beegurl to a certain point. There has been so much drama in this fandom lately. While I'm not innocent when it comes to certain things (I have a strong opinion on the FSOG situation) I think this could have been handled better from the authors side. I believe that in order to get respect you have to give it. I personally think the way things played out last night was completely disrespectful to the banner maker and the person who wrote the review. Something like that should have been done in PMs, DMs, emails or chats, where it's private. No matter how the author felt she had handled the situation, from an outsider, it was as if she spit on this blog. And also, as an outsider, I don't fully understand her opinion on how they didn't accurately depict her story. But again, that's an opinion...

  1. lizconno said...:

    I don't know what went down and can't figure out which story you're talking about (because all of this week's emails still point to active pages/reviews), but I can assume which one it was. But I digress.

    I think "Anonymous" makes very valid points that many are attacking, which is why I suspect she kept her identity anonymous. (Talk about hypocrisy on those people's parts!) People mention "recent drama within the fandom, but this is NOT new. People have been bashing one another for as long as I've been around (2009). It's this constant drama that has alienated me to such a point that my twitter has gone dead for close to a year and my FB sits silent.

    The bigger problem is that we're a bunch of women; women are crazy, they're bitches, they always think they're right. This applies to EVERY single one of us, myself included.

    Some women lack class and tact. Some women claim to have class and tact, but then are guilty of the same behavior. It's the way of the world and social media makes it ever more present. It is what it is and your post isn't going to change that.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    I KNOW bitches stay anon if they don't agree with the majority or in this case the TLS posse. Who wants to knowingly bring out the mean girls on themselves? I think its safe to say most would rather have sand poured into eyes. The torture is about the same. People have attitudes, people have opinions and everyone has the right to say what they please. Get your heart off your sleeve, build a bridge, and get over it.

  1. Angela said...:

    I guess it's just a difficult situation because I really truly feel like Jamie didn't do anything that warranted that type of reaction. That's the only reason that I continue to comment. Jamie didn't deserve to be made to feel the way she did. Jamie liked a story enough to make a piece of fan art and then was humiliated for it. The way the author came across was as if Jamie made this horrible thing that didn't deserve to be linked to her name. It was just sad to see a person who does such nice things for authors a lot being dogged out like that, that's all.

  1. IndieFicPimp said...:

    OK...I just want to clear a few things up. Firstly, I hate drama...hate it. I have been at this for almost three years and this blog, nor myself, has ever been involved in any. A lot of people probably didn't even know who ran this blog. And I am not trying to sound righteous, because my friends know that I will rant and rave behind closed doors, but not for the world to see. Secondly, this in no way has ANYTHING to do with TLS. Two different people run two different blogs, so stop trying to blame them for this situation. Thirdly, I never, in no way, shape or form thought that this person should love or even like the banner that was made. Yes, when one gives you a gift you should thank them, even if you hate it...and then don't use it...or hey, you can just not say anything. For all the banners Jaime has made, this has never happened. Maybe the author hated it, but they never said anything. Just don't use it, simple. Lastly, when I talk about the support for Jaime last night, I meant the people directly tweeting Jaime herself, reassuring her and telling her how much they love her work. She does so much for this fandom. I was not talking about the name calling. Thank you all for your comments...good, bad or indifferent.

  1. PAW'sPeaches said...:

    Hi there anons... PAWsPeaches here. I, myself, (not TLS as a group) am resposible for those tweets to melarimo expressing how I felt about her. You can reach me at @PAWsPeaches if you'd like to express your feelings over my outrage by how Jaime and Lori were treated and the way I handled it.

    It won't change anything because what's done is done, things that were said can't be unsaid, but by all means direct any frustrations regarding my personal communication to melarimo to my twitter account and not here on IFP blog.

    Regards,

    -

  1. PAW'sPeaches said...:

    Hi there anons... PAWsPeaches here. I, myself, (not TLS as a group) am resposible for those tweets to melarimo expressing how I felt about her. You can reach me at @PAWsPeaches if you'd like to express your feelings over my outrage by how Jaime and Lori were treated and the way I handled it.

    It won't change anything because what's done is done, things that were said can't be unsaid, but by all means direct any frustrations regarding my personal communication to melarimo to my twitter account and not here on IFP blog.

    Regards,

    -

  1. JaspersDestiny said...:

    Um...a banner is a banner is a banner. It's fan art. It's a visual, expressive creation of someone else's work. It's flattery. You say thank you (or nothing at all), and you move on. If you decide to post the url to the banner along with your other banner on your profile page, then do so. That's all there is to it.

    I'm assuming the review and banner were made for a Twific...? Regardless, the author CREATED a form of fan art with her story, too. I wonder how all out of sorts the author would be if SM trotted along and gave her the same blah-blah-blah stupidity about how she didn't like the derivative work.

    *smh*

    Go, Jaime, go! I support you--and your art.

  1. Wow, I missed all this as it was in progress, but I saw the banner and many of the tweets.

    There is this high schoolish behavior I've seen around the fandom (thankfully, I haven't been involved in any) that is very disappointing.

    As far as what happened... I saw the lovely banner that was made for the story. I thought it was terrific, but even if the author didn't like it, the polite thing to do is to take it up privately using some form of... good manners.

    My mom always taught me that if I didn't like a gift, I shouldn't hurt the other person's feelings by pointing it out--especially in front of everyone.

    I'm grateful to the peeps who take the time to rec and review stories and make banners out of the goodness of their hearts. Nobody is getting paid for this, and they certainly shouldn't be attacked for their genorosity.

    Rather than waste time with the negative peeps, let's raise our glasses to the lovely ladies that make the fandom a great place to be!

    Sarita

  1. bellalove72 said...:

    Damn this must be serious if y'all got me to come out of the woodwork to comment on something. All I gotta say is Lori and Jaime are the awesomest h00rs, have families and still find time to entertain the fandom!

    Love you ladies!

    Xoxo

  1. Wow. Really? Someone went ape shit that someone else took the time to review their story and make them a banner? How sad! Maybe they've forgotten what it's like when you're a new author and are craving any sort of feedback at all, much less something like that. Hopefully, someone reminds them...

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Sarita: You had ZERO problem taking to the Wordy Bitches site to bash Mel. Talk about hypocrisy. I think I'm going to start bashing you now. Just because.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    The 'respectful' thing for all parties would be for this blog as well as other blogs from the very beginning to stop dragging the dead horse thru the mud. So said author didn't handle the situation to your liking, find a straw & suck it up. Don't read her. Don't pimp her. Respectfully keep your mouth shut & go about ur business. I don't think anyone, other than the author, Jamie & Indie have merit to duke this out, but since its been smeared everywhere by all parties, sadly now its open game.

    And as far as people above not saying that they are NOT involved in 'high school behavior' gave me a good chuckle. Thank u for that. Usually the mean girls can't see beyond their nose anyway. You and your friends ARE the high school behavior everyone is trying to avoid.

  1. Dear Coward--I mean Anonymous Coward:

    I didn't "bash" anyone. I read the tweets on both sides, but didn't butt in. When I read a post I found funny, I answered it with some satire of my own. Not bashing, but if I behaved the way the author did, I'd expect some of that. A very public offering she gave up, too.

    Bash away--it'll merely serve to make me famous. Enjoy yourself as you bask in your cowardice. At least I sign my name to my comments and own up to what I say.

    Sarita-in-waiting

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Sarita: You're quite delusional if you think you've been unbiased. Being unbiased would be to remain out of it, instead of being a mean girl like the gals over at Wordy Bitches. ilii If I'm such a coward, tell those "Bitches" to post my comment over on Wordy Bitches. They'll know which one it is.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Also, Sarita: I don't belong to gmail/blogger, so that's why I'm not using my account name, not cowardice.

  1. Dear Still think you're a coward:

    Not taking this any further unless I know who I'm speaking to. You might not have a gmail account, but you CAN sign your name can't you? *rolls eyes*

    I'm allowed to have an opinion after looking at both sides--I think the author showed poor public behavior. Where did I say I was unbiased again?

    You have something against me, that's fine. I couldn't care less, but at least own up. *rolls eyes again*

    Sarita

  1. crazy said...:
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
  1. Anonymous said...:

    Oh, look! I can still sign my name.

    SARITA

  1. JaspersDestiny said...:

    Hahahahahaha, omg, anon, you REALLY want me to post your comment, don't you? I'm so not giving you that respect. (Plus, I'm not going to lie, you full out creeped us out with your supposed belief that you're "close friends" with us. We don't know you, Miss North Carolina. Trust us.

    P.S. If you have a problem with WB, take your problems to WB. Stop bothering IFP.

    ~JaspersDestin
    ~Tina
    ~@WordyBitches
    ~Nipple Ring Twirler
    ~Beta
    ~Fart Gobbler
    ~Pie Eater
    ~Smurf Jizz Drinker
    ~Smoker
    ~Toker
    ~Inside Joker
    ~Ad Nauseum

  1. DarknNerdy said...:

    I'm a wordybitch, you can come chat/stalk/make a shrine with my face on it anytime.

    @darknnerdy

    evil peen poster
    lurker/troll
    Mr.Nerdy's better half
    Satan's Mistress
    Traumatizer
    Lover of Furry stories

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Dear Anon,

    I'm a White Knighter. Back in the days of Twankhard I made White Knighting a hobby. I went by the name "masturbating monkey."

    That was the worst white knighting I've ever witnessed.

    I'd like to white knight Sarita now because she's an awesome writer and a sweet girl. She also has a sense of humor.

    Tina and Nerdy are such bitches, though. I'd slap them with my giant banana, but they'd only ask for me to do it again... harder.

    --Flanny (I'm not a wordybitch, but they sometimes let me play with them. Tina likes to feed me so I followed her home.)

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Aw, thanks Flanny! <3

    Did you really masturbate a monkey?

    Anonarita

  1. Anonymous said...:

    I'm sorry, I must be in the wrong place. I thought I was among adults. Clearly I'm lost in this ugly part of the fandom.

    ~An additional Anon who is PROUD to not stoop as low as above named.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    *snort* Please.

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  1. Anonymous said...:

    *double snort* Making up a name to hide behind.

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.
  1. JaspersDestiny said...:

    Wannabe? You're lolable. And, no, none of us know you. We've searched your IP address, and the location matches none of our friends.

    And I never slung words at CM.

    We're not jealous. I certainly am not. I'd never even heard of CM until she got all raged and bothered on Twitter. THAT made me laugh. So, yeah, we poked fun.

    However, had we been bullies, we would have followed her around Twitter and continuously poked at her. We didn't.

    P.S. We have no virus on our site. It's a long and complicated explanation, but there are many an anti-virus software that, when they interact with Wordpress, believe there to be something fishy going on when in fact Wordpress is doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing.

    Tell you what, if you can decode the following, I'll allow your comment:

    kjwqdnnjf jjw jkjqdddd jeuiam kjd, jiwjiw ty owmdm dswiiow.

    xxx

    P.S. You actually created a gmail account for us called acompleteshame? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

  1. Anonymous said...:

    How about the name you use in the fandom?

  1. Shame on You said...:

    Call peeps immature and mean girl, etc, but hiding behind a fake name is mature? I see a bunch of people using their own names here... except for you. Man up or buzz off.

  1. DarknNerdy said...:

    I have such a WannabeLadyBoner right now.

    I have to say I'm pretty good at attacking people, ask Mr.Nerdy, but what we did as I read it was parody, poking fun, and at worst giving the author free publicity.

    As for knowing us? I feel special and warm and fuzzy just thinking about that fact, like being wrapped in a Furries sandwich. I think you laughed when you read our post, I think you may have even pee'd a little, I know I did. We at WordyBitches have a way with words. It's okay it's safe here to admit that. We all love you, CompleteShame.

    Also I think Mr.Nerdy might be a little jealous, and my chest is definitely insecure but it's because he's in love with WannabeJaspersDestiny so what can I really do?

    Oh and if you can decode that from WannabeJaspersDestiny can you clue me in? Im very curious.

    Love, hugs and kisses
    AnonaNerdy

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  1. Anonymous said...:

    Lulz at the irony. Pot meet kettle.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    And bullying is stopped by bullying others... again pot meet kettle.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    We done here? All comments were logged and saved for future reference. Deleting your ignorance doesn't erase it from the cosmos...

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Bahahahahahaha! Talk about inflated sense of ego!

  1. Anonymous said...:

    I love your blog IFP and i will support your blog..peace girls!!!


    luvIFP

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