New Fic of the Week: 4/16/12

April 19, 2012

Cooking for Dummies by Nikita2009
Review by Obsmama

Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Chef Edward Masen is a talented yet temperamental up and coming chef. Bella Swan is a fiery culinary reviewer who is determined to get out of the shadows of her famous parents. What happens when their worlds collide? AH, OOC

"Hold the door, please!" I called to the back of the tall man walking down the hallway ahead of me. 

I put my head down and walked quicker, trying to juggle my luggage, a paper bag full of groceries, and a steaming hot to go cup of my favorite coffee. 

Any other time, I would have taken a brief moment to ogle his ass as only a woman who has been without sex for way too long can. What? Men do it, so why can't a woman? And a fine ass it was, not that I noticed, obviously too wrapped up in my own personal circus juggling act. 

When I finally made it to the old service elevator behind said owner of nice ass, I heard the tell tale ding that signaled the closing of the doors, my plea obviously ignored. My eyes met the defiant, dark green gaze of the only occupant who winked at me and watched the metal doors slide closed in my face with a smirk on his face. 


The motherfucker winked at me. 

Motherfucker indeed. This is how we’re introduced to one of the best new stories I have read recently. It’s a story full of snark and food. It’s a story about passion, passion for what you do in life, passion for a stranger that is constantly in your way, passion for the taste and texture of a great piece of fish. I love, love a great, hard workingward, and I think most would agree that chefs do not have an easy job. Its full of heat, long hours, and nasty cleanup, but what Nikita2009 does is bring the grittiness of the kitchen and really turns up the tension. When Edward Masen talks about food, I want to taste what he’s tasting. He’s crass and has balls of steel. He takes no shit and loves what he does. Even if his staff can drive him out of his mind.


His head snapped up, only his fearful dark eyes visible above the stainless steel shelving.

"Yes, Chef?"

"In what fucking universe would you willingly send out a choice cut steak that I slaved over the hot fucking stove with a GIANT FUCKING PUBE stuck to the top of it? Is this Pubes R' Us?"

"No, Chef."

"When I say finish a plate off with a garnish, I don't mean your bloody trouser forest, you fucking idiot. Now re-fire me a completely new plate." I slammed it down in front of him and was satisfied when he jumped at the sound. "I want to see you display your considerable culinary prowess in five fucking minutes or you're toast. Got it?"

"Yes, Chef."

"Good. Now try to not blow up my fucking kitchen while I poison myself with nicotine for five fucking minutes." I grabbed my smokes out of my office and angrily pushed past my line cooks, who included a smirking tiny brunette who shared eyes the same shade as mine and considerably less of a temper.

Then we have Bella full of fire and a Seattle food critic who feels like she’s missing something in life. When she’s assigned Masen’s on 5th as her next review, she might just find that something. One bad review, a few nasty emails and I see fireworks headed our way. The humor is fantastic, the characters are well throughout and endearing (what? I think a foul-mouthed, tatted chef is endearing, sue me). I can’t wait to see the adventure these two go on with love and food at Masen’s on 5th.

"After hearing from several local celebrated food blogs about what a gastronomic epiphany Edward Masen's restaurant "Masen's on 5th" is, I had high hopes about being wowed by something new and different. Unfortunately, the meal wowed me, but not in the positive way one might have expected. For such a renowned and celebrated chef in the community, my high hopes were instantly dashed by the lack of prompt service and basic lack of general cooking techniques. The wait staff was friendly, but the long wait itself was ridiculous. My halibut with lemon butter sauce was nothing to write home about, and the fact I had to ask for it to be cooked twice was, for lack of a better word, underwhelming. If you're going to try something at this restaurant, try the Minestrone, the only shining bit of genius I happened to eat during the evening. In short: In a visit to Masen's on 5th, try the soup, skip the fish." 

Maybe fall in love?


  1. I love this story!! It's great!

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