Speaking in Code by mamabean
Review by AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD
Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Characters: Edward & Bella
Summary: Edward Cullen's trash is his neighbors' torture, and now his house is in violation of Chapter 36 of the Seattle Municipal Code. When Inspector Swan shows up to issue a citation, sparks will fly! ExB, AH
Imagine if you will a spoiled rich kid that has no need to actually hold down a job so he fills his spare time with torturing his neighbors and suing the city for miscellaneous wrongs he feels they have committed against him. That explains our fair Edward in this week’s completed fic.
Edward has recently lost his father and gained a whole lot of money. He has decided to sit back and relax with his friend and roommate Jasper, while redecorating their uppity neighborhood with other people’s trash. In comes Bella Swan, Seattle’s newest building inspector to force Mr. Cullen to clean up his act and boy does that pay off big.
Our illustrious Bella, who struggled to find a job as an architect after college, is offered a building inspector position from a friend of her family, Jacob Black. No worries there, I promise, he really is just a family friend that has Bella’s best interest at heart. Being in a career dominated by men Bella has to take a lot of crap. This includes being handed off the job of inspecting Edward Cullen’s home, when the other inspector’s know that he will be nothing but difficult. Fortunately, our Bella takes it all in stride and stands her ground where Mr. Cullen is concerned.
"Well, we can't put it inside, it might have bedbugs and germs and shit, right? And no one could see it in the backyard, so it has to be in the front. Don't look at me, I didn't make up the rules." He paused to consider. "Well, maybe I did make up the rules, but I might have been slightly inebriated at the time so… there you go." He smiled and nodded at me like that explanation made perfect sense, and I should turn around and leave him to his craziness.
I cleared my throat and tried to regain my sense of reality. "Actually, Mr. Cullen, having all this garbage in your front yard is a violation of the City's municipal code. Section 21, Chapter 36 prohibits the accumulation of solid waste like this. I'm afraid you'll have to clean it up." I said matter-of-factly.
"Well of course, then. Your wish is my command," he said, sarcasm hanging heavily from his words. "Um… no. Sorry, but I can't do that, Inspector. It would pretty much break Jasper's heart. Plus we'll just go find more tomorrow, so what's the point?" He shrugged and looked at me innocently.
"This may come as a shock to you, Mr. Cullen, but the City of Seattle doesn't care about Jasper's heart, or the rules of your silly game." I smiled smugly. Damn it, when did I get smug? I hated smugness - it reminded me of the senior inspectors that I was so happy to be free of. Stupid, handsome Edward Cullen was flustering me and bringing out my smug side. I had to put a stop to this.
Edward learns that it may be time to grow up when he finds himself flustered by Inspector Swan. Now this version of Edward is a cocky one, but not without reason. His dad has recently died and he wasn’t much of a dad to Edward, who has had to practically raise himself. To top it all off, his father left behind a harpy of a fiancée that thinks that it would be a good idea to tell Edward that she is pregnant with his father’s child 3 months after he passed away. All of this drama has Edward acting much like a child and Inspector Swan is just what he needs to force him to grow up.
When I finally stopped talking, Emmett looked perplexed. "So what have you done to fix it?" he asked.
"Fix it? What do you mean?"
"Well, if you really like this girl, can't you take back your appeal and clean up the shit in your front yard? And those other clients… you convinced them to appeal, now can't you convince them to drop their cases?" Emmett stated simply.
I felt foolish as I thought about his suggestion - it seemed so obvious. However, despite how much I wanted Bella to like me, my whole being rebelled at the thought of just rolling over and giving in to my pushy neighbors and the city court. Also, I had a duty to the people I had signed up as my clients – I had to represent their cases to the best of my ability.
"I don't know if it's that simple, Em," I said. "But maybe there's something I can do…"
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