Honorella's Rec of the Week: 10/31/11

November 01, 2011

Inappropriate Touching by Jenjiveg
Review by Honorella

Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: While OCD Edward works on his mental health issues, he meets a girl...who has problems of her own...not the least of which is chronic clumsiness. OOC, AH, BxE. Rated M for future lemons and language. 

I don’t know about you, my fellow fic h00r, but these days a story has to have a USP, as well as plenty of UST, in order to grab my attention. Jenjiveg’s Inappropriate Touching is just such a story. It is stuffed with wit, originality and heart, and so many unique and interesting voices and stories.

If you are going to go down the OOC route then why not think big? Here are not one, but two, ginormous dorks. I love a geekward and you cannot get geekier than this one. Edward is seriously afflicted with OCD. His life would be impossible if it were not for the love and support of his brother Emmett and wife Rose who live across the hallway. On a rare mission venturing outside his apartment, he encounters Bella, herself crippled by social anxiety disorder.

Take a deep breath, reader. Jenjiveg can pull this off, and does so with style. Her Latexward, so-named because he can achieve little without donning a pair of latex gloves, is adorable. His condition is a serious one and his backstory heart-breaking, but there is plenty of comedy too and surprisingly little angst. He is innocent and charming and we see his loveliness through his close relationship with his brother and sister-in-law and his shrink, Carlisle. He is desperate to overcome his illness and is struggling every day to make the huge adjustments needed to live a more normal life. Into the mix explodes his almost uncontrollable sexual attraction to Bella, in conflict with his need to remain in control via his compulsive urge to maintain cleanliness and order in his life.

I begin each day by measuring all the food in my pantry.

I used to measure twice in the morning, then measure my breakfast, then all food again after breakfast, twice before lunch, then just lunch, then all of it after, then twice before dinner, dinner, and then three times after dinner. Sometimes I would get up in the night and measure it all again. 

I had weened myself off of all but one measurement a day, and I did not measure my meals (I just estimated). 

The morning after I met Isabella Marie Swan, I forgot to measure my food. 

I was preoccupied. If I didn't already have an unmanageable set of obsessions, I would have thought she was one of them. 

I didn't even remember until I went to bed Wednesday evening. I pulled back the sheet, climbed into bed, recounted my day, and realized I had forgotten to measure my food. 

So, I got up and went to the kitchen to get started. I was upset, because this could cost me two hours of sleep, and I had a session scheduled with Dr. Cullen tomorrow. I always wanted to be especially well rested on those days.

Unbeknown to him, Edward is spotted on the street by Bella, and followed to a party. Despite her own limitations - social interaction is so difficult for her that she avoids all but the most necessary - Bella is a feisty character who takes this story by the scruff of the neck and makes it happen. It’s going to take a particular sort of gal to manage this Edward, and here we have her. She knows what she wants from the start and she gets it despite her own issues and the obstacles Jenjiveg puts in her path. Bella’s inner voice, so at odds with her the face she presents to the world, is a delight:

There's a moment when I first wake up...really before I'm fully awake...when I'm confident and I say the right thing and I don't trip over my own feet. 

I snooze each morning for at least an hour trying to hang on to that moment; desperate in my attempt to right the social ineptitude of yesterday. 

This morning, I was thinking about him, that guy, THE guy, the man, the one. My Mr. Darcy, Bruce Wayne, or Malcolm Reynolds. You know, the one who is everything you want a man to be plus all the things you'd feel a little dirty asking for? 

Yeah, I met that guy...And then...I ran away from him. 

I know what you're thinking: "Oh, honey, he turned out to be Wickham, or The Joker, or Jayne Cobb didn't he?" 

Well the answer is no. Mhn. OK, not exactly...

Their relationship develops through letters in the initial weeks. It’s a charming device and suits this story, and, like the rest of the fic, features a curious mixture of the innocent and the profane. Their feelings grow. Bella is very keen “to do the mating dance to get him into my pants”. I anticipated a long lead-in before any this pair could get together but I needn’t have worried, Bella makes sure it’s not long before Jenjiveg lobs the reader a great big, fat juicy lemon unlike many you’ll have read before.

Edward took off his gloves, which caused temporary feelings of dejection on her part...but when he proceeded to procure a fresh pair from a box he kept in a drawer under the bench in front of the sofa, Bella bit her lip and fidgeted with her hands in her lap, looking longingly at Edward. 

The UST went from poisonous to deadly in a flash. 

Eyes dilated, Edward clapped the lights out in the living room and crawled across the ottoman to cup her face. He wasn't about to kiss her, but he needed to touch her as soon as possible. 

Bella threw her head back, baring her neck and reveled in the feel of latex, which may surprise most people to know is quite slippery if only a little pressure is applied. She sat on her hands to keep from grabbing his hands or his dick, she couldn't choose which. 

As his hands ghosted over her from chin to neck and then achingly slowly to cup her breasts, Bella moaned. This sound created a feeling in Edward that was so strong, it momentarily trumped his OCD. 

Pulling her to the edge of the chair, he leaned in, one hand resting on the outside of her upper thigh, teasingly close to her ass, the other anchored to her breast. He kissed the top of the cupped breast over her shirt, eliciting an even louder response. Then, he moved his hands to the highest buttoned button on her shirt, looking at her intently for permission to proceed. 

She nodded, mouth agape, and he deftly opened her shirt, exposing her bra: black lace, see-through. 

Edward now had a fetish to call his own.

And that’s just the start. I won’t spoil the rest.

The angst is in short supply so far, but there are plenty of obstacles to love’s young dream. In an interesting plot twist, we discover that Bella’s twin sister, Alice is secretly married to Edward’s sister-in-law Rose’s brother Jasper and determined to keep Edward away from Bella. Alice is a monster, overbearing, scheming and horrid, she is everything that Bella is not. Her and Jasper’s (BDSM) relationship is far from conventional, and through it, Jenjiveg has Alice confront her awful behaviour and horrible personality in an interesting and moving way. I must also mention the awesome Emmett and fantastic Rose. Their scenes with Edward are just comedy gold.

Latexward and Droolella (not so keen on that moniker as his Bella is a feisty little thing and it doesn’t do her justice) are on a fascinating journey. The depth and severity of Edward’s condition is not underestimated but Jenjiveg often plays it for laughs and keeps the action fast-moving and lively. There is so much to enjoy and lots more to come. Do give this sweet, funny, affecting story a try.


  1. Domysticated said...:

    Fabulous, witty, sparkly review for a story that's itself fabulous, witty and sparkly! Thanks!

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