WIP of the Week: 6/11/12

In The Debris by BelieveItOrNot

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7915341/1/In_the_Debris

Review by IReen H

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Drama
Characters: Edward & Bella/James & Victoria

Summary: A story of unlikely friends, a story of family, a search for truth and a search of self. "She's everyone else's Isabella, but she's only my Bella." "I write a poem about a boy and girl who fall in love in the eye of a tornado." AH E/B V/J

I remember high school. I remember days where I felt like I was already ancient. Already my body and mind and soul had been stretched to encompass the joy and the grief inherent in being a human. There were days where a puddle was my reflection, showing me a me I didn’t want to see. There were days where I held other peoples tears in my hands… days when the thrumming of feet stomping the bleachers for JV football made me feel like I had to run and hide.

Sometimes just walking onto campus was the beginning of a world of mistakes I would make that day. Sometimes the whispering in the hallways when I passed by wasn’t about me, but in my head it always was.

Sometimes the person wanting to smoke you out is not your friend. Sometimes the only person who doesn’t know who you are and where you come from, is you. Sometimes the person you think is your nemesis, is actually your next best friend. Sometimes the person you thought was your best friend, is actually your enemy.

In The Debris finds the chaotic underbelly of high school confusion and caresses it with slight brilliant strokes. Told from two POV’s, each chapter is half Edward and half Victoria.

Victoria Mayes is a quiet and introspective outcast. At the beginning of the story, she has one friend. James. By chapter two, she has one more. Edward.

Formerly a cocky party-hound, Edward had to grow up fast when he lost his mother. His father is somewhat absentee due to his career and Edward is responsible for Max, his 13 year old brother who is also struggling to fit in. He feels like an outsider to the life he used to live. His relationship with his friend Jasper, an admitted Casanova with a sketchbook of his conquests that he flashes around, has deteriorated. His relationships with most of his former friends has followed suit, as Edward struggles with his demons.

Throw in Isabella Swan, the new girl from Florida, and senior year at Forks high isn’t what anyone expected. She is the quote-unquote shiny new toy and everyone wants to play with her. But the only person she really opens up to is… well… you just have to read it.

She averts her eyes and I see in them a sheen that threatens tears. She's about to cry. I don't know what this means. Will she cry for herself? For her mom? For me? Because she knows I'm about to kiss her? I don't have the answer. 

A silent sort of half sob, half gasp comes from her and I change direction, leave the path leading toward her lips and lift up to her forehead. I press a kiss against her like a stamp, like a brand; it's a heavy kiss. Her breath is at my throat. My lips still against her head, I let out a sigh through my nose, the frustration of both my want and my need to kiss her lips more than anything else. Then I lower my forehead to hers, resting. "What's wrong?" 

She moves away a little so her eyes can meet mine comfortably. "I-I want…" She looks away, and I really wish she'd tell me what she's thinking. 

"What do you want? I'll give you anything." My throat closes up as I say it, and I know I sound unsure and nervous, but I am sure, and I'm trying so hard to make it clear to her that if she wants me, she has me. I'm hers. Right here. Right now. 

Take it. 

"Edward, I - I don't know why…" 

I wait for words that never come. 

"I can't do this, Isabella. I can't-" 

"I'll see you later, at school?" 

I sigh and nod. She leaves. 

When the door is closed I rest my head against it. "I can't just be friends with you." 

HEART IN THROAT.

Want a slow burn? Settle in darlings!

Isabella Swan brings some sun and relief into Edward’s dreary days, brings her quirk and her unique views to lighten his load a little bit. She has her own set of beliefs, her own magic, and she uses it. For example, we all know onions make you cry… did you know that celery makes you stop crying? It’s true, just ask Isabella Swan. And it works. I’ve seen it. So Edward and Bella, right? Just those two names make me giddy-smile. But as good as their dynamic is, it’s what’s between Victoria and James that has me all twisting in my guts.

They have been friends since they were in middle school. Close friends. As close as two people can be without crossing the line into something more intimate. Until one day when Victoria fesses up.

"James, I feel you…" I'm looking at the wall behind him. "In my heart." 

The small unsure laugh that escapes him tells me that he doesn't get what I'm saying. 

"I feel you in my heart, too, Victoria." A pause, and then, "What's going on? You sure you're okay?" 

"No." My voice shakes. "I mean, I, I love you." My eyes slow dance over his face to his eyes, but without really seeing him. I'm afraid of what I might see. "I love you in a non-friend way." 

I release a breath full of nerves and focus on his eyes now, which have widened, and he's scooting away from me, and in this millisecond, I know what an irreversible mistake I've made. 

But - did she make a mistake? Did she lay it all on the line in vain? Or was she the one with the cajones? We don’t exactly know yet, but we do know that this confession launches a series of events that scrape the muscles of the heart. This story makes me cry… in PUBLIC, people.

And not just for the delicately delivered angst.

 Because it’s beautiful.

It resonates like the a perfectly struck note, over and over again. The way BelieveItOrNot constructs this story is perfection. My eyes don’t tire of sucking in her words. Never do I find them jumping, never does my brain disregard any of her narrative as inconsequential or skimmable. Her word choice is always spot on, and the story delivers more than characters that interest, it delivers mood. Her words bring me into THEIR world, makes it personal. And that is what it should be. Because in high school… every fucking thing is personal.