RandomCran's Rec of the Week: 2/27/12

High Fidelity by IRene H

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771737/1/High_Fidelity

Review by RandomCran

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Edward is an unfeeling bastard. Bella gets caught up in his games. Language and lots of it. Lemons eventually. It's a slow burn, slow and painful. Mature. Lots of random pop culture references. AH, AU, ExB.

It’s not often that I spy a tweet loudly proclaiming (IN SHOUTY CAPS) that everyone in the Fandom needs to drop what they’re doing to read a new story. So when this particular message flashed across my timeline a little over a week ago, I clicked ‘Favorite’ and waited until my household had settled down for the evening to see what the deal was about. And after reading just one chapter of High Fidelity, I understood perfectly what that tweet was expressing.

With only six chapters posted at the time, I made the conscious decision to ignore both my husband (Sorry, MOG) and my usual bedtime to read the entire story at once. As I settled in, I only felt my excitement and love for this unique story growing by the paragraph.

By the next morning, I was tweeting praise myself. Two nights ago, I eagerly agreed to review the story to help spread the word even further. Those who have read it and saw me tweeting about it have responded back just as enthusiastically. The rapidly growing consensus with those I discuss the story with is that it is wonderful to have to something new to be so excited about.

I couldn’t agree more. If High Fidelity continues as strongly as it has begun, I think we’ll all soon know the story and its author quite well. Not only has IReen H crafted an incredible set of characters and plotline, she demonstrates a keen wit in her narrative and has done so all without the assistance of a beta or pre-reader. High Fidelity is IReen H’s first multi-chapter WIP and it is nothing short of phenomenal.

So, you ask, what exactly is the plot? The summary, like the story, holds nothing back from its narrative:

“Edward is an unfeeling bastard. Bella gets caught up in his games. Language and lots of it. Lemons eventually. It's a slow burn, slow and painful. Mature. Lots of random pop culture references.” 

Beyond these simple labels, however, are two main characters whose traits are varied and whose personalities are complex. The reader perceives them one way by the end of one chapter, only to have her perceptions and conclusions challenged by the end of the next one. Over the course of the first six chapters, Edward and Bella are slowly, beautifully defined and fine-tuned for the reader and I’m quite certain we’ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to these two.

Their first interaction takes place in the most mundane of locations, seemingly in the most mundane of circumstances until you realize the plot is taking an unexpected turn.

****** 

Fold, tear, staple, stack. 

Fold, tear, staple, stack. 

I was at work, just finishing up the accounts payable and fighting the urge to crawl under my desk and nap when I heard the door to our suite open. Heels clicked across our unmanned reception area's tile floor, then were muffled by the carpet as the visitor suddenly appeared at my office door. 

It's him. Edward Cullen. We have worked in the same office building for over five years and never spoken to each other. 

Our complex has ten suites in it. A bunch of white collar offices including a handful of lawyers, a realtor, a dentist, some accountants, an auto repossession company, and the insurance place right next to me. Sometimes when Emmett Cullen slams a filing cabinet in his office, stuff falls off the shelves in mine. I work for the realtor. 

Edward and I pass in the hallway on occasion. I smile politely, he nods. We don't talk. Sometimes I go into the break room to nuke my overpriced organic non-gmo lunch and run into him taking some leftover Chinese food out of the microwave. Sometimes it's Mexican. It's always in a Styrofoam container. He doesn't acknowledge me. 

It’s not that I dislike the man, it's just that you can tell he thinks he is better than everyone else because he parks his Jaguar in the middle of two parking spaces so that it has 4 feet of clearance around it at all times. 

"Hi." I looked up at him expectantly. 

He leaned against the door frame like he was posing for a cover shoot for GQ. I had a hard time keeping saliva from pooling in the corners of my mouth. Yeah – he is pretty. 

"Do you happen to know who owns the Red Isuzu Rodeo in our lot?" 

"Ya – I do." Uh oh. Did I leave my lights on? 

"Did you know that you hit someone in the parking lot this morning?" 

Come again? 

"Uh. No I didn't. Wait, you mean, someone hit me?" I thought maybe he had misstated what he was trying to say. 

"No, you hit another car in the parking lot." 

I actually laughed. This was absurd. "Nope, wasn't me." 

He just looked at me. I noticed that his eyes were a stunning shade of green. 

"You have a dent in your bumper." Good job Sherlock. Yeah, I have a dent in my bumper, and the paint has oxidized off the hood, I am missing one of the roof rack handles and there is a huge bleach stain on the floor in the backseat. I probably drive a shittier car than anyone else here. But I love it. It goes everywhere, rides just a little bouncy, and I know my way around the engine. 

A few months ago my neighbor's girlfriend parked her Honda CRX in front of my house, halfway blocking my driveway. The next morning when I left I told myself to shimmy around it and then totally forgot and rolled right into it. My bumper dented and she has a nice ding over her right rear tire. She didn't care, I didn't care. We didn't make a thing out of it. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have been harassed by guys in parking lots who offer to pop the dent out for me, no trouble at all. I turn them down. I can handle that myself… I just haven't done it yet. 

It's on my to-do list. 

"Yes, I have a dent in my bumper. It's been there for months. I hit a friend of mine back in May." 

Edward Cullen looked at me like I was full of shit. 

****** 

And from this exchange, the rest of the ingenious story takes off.

I have to state outright that I hate delivering spoilers. When I review, I try my best to sum up a story so that you have a fairly decent idea of what it’s about without giving away crucial pieces, and hopefully my enthusiasm for the piece I am reviewing motivates you to go on and read it.

I’ve made a deliberate choice with this particular review to reveal very little about Bella and Edward and their journey in High Fidelity because I firmly believe the fewer details you have about this story going in, the more pleasantly surprised you will be.

I’m simply asking you to have faith in my recommendation and just jump right into the story.

I confidently guarantee that you will not regret it.

TheRainGirl's Rec of the Week: 2/27/12

Pretty In Pink by Fr333bird

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7600603/1/Pretty_in_Pink

Review by TheRainGirl

Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Emmett & Riley

Summary: Emmett is straight, honestly, but Riley isn't. And Riley looks confusingly pretty in the corset that he's wearing for a bet. Kinky oneshot, now extended - because these boys are too much fun to leave alone and some plot snuck in when I wasn't looking. AH. 

 Ever wanted to see Riley hook up with Emmett? Yeah, I didn't see it either at first. But it's like a cupcake you didn't realize you wanted until you see the pretty, sweet pink frosting slathered on top of the decadent dark chocolate mound. Once you get just a little taste, you have to have it.

It all begins with a naughty little bet that Riley wins, but Emmett enjoys losing more than he ever thought he would.

"Emmett," I hear him yelling from his room as I twist the lid off my beer. "Get in here, I need help with these stupid hooks." 

I take a swig as I walk back down the hallway and nearly choke as I step through the door of his room. 

"How the fuck do chicks manage to put these things on?" He grumbles. 

He's half naked, with his back to me. His torso is covered by the pink lacy corset that's obviously causing the trouble. It's hanging off him and he's reaching around trying to do it up and totally failing. My eyes drop lower and stay there. He's wearing matching panties. Pink lace panties. Pink lace panties that cover less than half of his ass cheeks. 

Fuck me running. 

Riley's ass looks disturbingly hot. It probably helps that he's got that whole androgynous thing going on. Because seriously – from behind he could totally be a girl right now and it's confusing the fuck out of my dick. His body is almost hairless, even the hairs on his legs are pale and hardly visible. He's slender and lean and his legs are long. But his ass... his ass is fucking perfect. High and round and firm. 

 "Dude," his voice is impatient. I realize I'm practically drooling and feel my cheeks heat in confusion and embarrassment as he looks over his shoulder at me expectantly. 

"Uh, yeah... sorry, man." I stumble forward, nearly tripping over my feet as I approach." 

I fell in love with these boys from the first paragraph. Riley is such a fun character. He's light and sweet, like lemonade on a sultry summer day and the way he tortures Emmett is just divine. Emmett is the big and burly lovable clod we all adore, but he has an extra layer in this story, a little more underneath his teddybear exterior. His emotional growth and adorable one-liners make me grin and giggle.

Pretty in Pink is a light and quick, very fun read. It is now complete and ready for you to devour it! I highly encourage the slash girls to get with Pretty in Pink. Even if you aren't a hardcore slashy, I think you'll love this story because of its heart. It's just adorable and sweet and delicious! Tell Fr333Bird that I sent you!

New Fic of the Week: 2/20/12

Cutlass by Tkegl

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7792629/1/Cutlass

Review by Maxandmo

Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Isabella Swan is certain notorious pirate, Edward Cullen, murdered her father and stole his prized cutlass. Out for revenge, she sneaks onto his ship, but Captain Cullen claims she has the wrong man. A tale of the search for truth…and treasure of course. 

Edward Cullen, or One Eyed Eddie as some dare to call him, is the captain of a pirate ship called the Black Arrow. He has one eye and a scar from his temple to his chin from an injury that nearly claimed his life. Emmett, Mike, and Crowley are quickly introduced, along with a slight boy named Smith who acts as the Captain's cabin boy. Jasper appears as Cullen's most trusted shipmate and second-in-command.

The men knew not their destination, save Jasper Whitlock, the captain's second-in-command and most trusted confidant. 

Only trusted confidant, to put a finer point on it. Edward Cullen shared neither his thoughts nor his faith easily, but over the years, he had grown to rely on his first mate and indeed trust him with his life. 

This story is three chapters in and author TKegl plans to update weekly. It is being written in third person, and she's doing an excellent job at making the reader connect with the characters.

When the story starts off plans are being made with his crew to overtake a ship called the Enchanted Lady. Cullen is a ruthless pirate, and it is clear that he is in charge.

There are some surprises in store, and though I won't ruin them, I'll just say that Bella's character is out for vengeance. She believes that Cullen is responsible for her father's death, even more so when she finds Charlie's sword in his cabin. She's feisty and won't go down without a fight. It's obvious that she's going to give Cullen a run for his money...or should I say booty?

Seizing the moment, Isabella lifted the heavy paperweight and with all her strength slammed it into Cullen's temple. His eye widened in surprise as his grip on her tightened painfully. She lifted her hand to strike again, but Edward crumpled to the floor. Isabella stood over him, her heart racing wildly as she tried desperately to breathe. 

In just three chapters, this fic is action packed. Though ruthless, you can tell that there's more to Captain Cullen than meets his one eye;)

Completed Fic of the Week: 2/20/12

How Can I Help You? by Sugunary

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666399/1/How_Can_I_Help_You

Review by AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Drama
Characters: Edward/Bella

Summary: After years away, Bella Swan returns to a place she thought she left behind, and someone she wasn't sure wanted to see her, ever again. A story of how your life can change when you least expect it. AH, B/E, Em/R, A/J Not a cheating fic.

This week’s completed fic brings us a plot line that is similar in some ways, but different from others that I have read at the same time. It is dubbed a Romance/Drama and let me tell you that it has a lot of both.

The story starts off with Bella going home with her son after deciding that her marriage to Jacob just isn’t going to work out. Home, of course, is in Forks, and she is going to stay with Charlie for a few weeks until she can find something for herself and her son, Riley. Once she’s there, Bella has to face a past that has hurt her immensely in order to have the future that she was always meant to have.

Edward Cullen was Bella’s first crush; of course, at the time she was crushing on him, she was working for his wife, Tanya. Bella worked at her clothing store in town, and also babysat for Edward and Tanya’s girls, Kate and Irina, whenever she was needed. Tanya and Bella shared a great friendship and Bella went to Tanya for a lot of things to help her get through her teenage years.

Breaking eye contact, I noticed the eyes belonged to the most beautiful face. "I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." Oh God, kill me now, I was checking out my boss's husband. I was blushing ten shades of red by the time my mouth decided to work. "Hi, Mr. Cullen, I'm Bella Swan. It's nice to finally meet you, Tanya has told me and Angela all about you." She did forget to say he was a God, though. Stop thinking about that Bella. He's going to think you are mental. 

"Good to meet you, Bella. Is Tanya in the back?" 

"No, she just stepped…" 

"Eddie! You made it!" I had to smile at Tanya's enthusiasm. She sounded like one of the cheerleaders at school. Edward swept her into his arms and gave her one of those movie love story kisses. I turned away to give them some privacy. 

"Go Tanya" I heard Angela call from the back. Tanya pulled away from her husband, laughing over at the two of us. "Girls, this is my husband, Edward. Honey these are the two girls I told you about, Bella Swan and Angela Weber." 

During her senior year of high school, tragedy struck the Cullen family and Edward loses his wife, the girls lose their mother, and Bella loses someone who had become like an older sister to her. Despite her own pain over losing Tanya, Bella helps Edward and the girls get back on their feet by becoming their nanny for a short time before going off to college.

 As the story continues, it takes us through ten years of ups and downs and twists and turns that finally bring Edward and Bella back together the way they were meant to be. Sugunary really does an excellent job bringing us back to the present when the past becomes almost too much for, not only Bella, but for us to bear.

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my courage to confess all of my mistakes to my father. 

"Dad, have you noticed anything strange about Riley?" 

Charlie gave me a concerned look. "What? What do you mean strange? He's a perfect little boy, Bella. Riley has your hair, your cute button nose, he's always happy and smiling, and he has your mother's green eyes." His eyes watered after mentioning Mom. 

I took his hand and squeezed it. "Riley is perfect and I love him so much, but I see a lot of his father in him."

Charlie laughed at that comment. "Maybe it's in his personality, but there's not much of a resemblance to Jacob, baby girl. I do see a lot of you though." 

This is what I had been so scared to do. I took a steadying breath and forced myself to say it slowly. 

"Dad, Riley is not Jake's son." 

Silence 

I really think you will love the flow and plot line of this story. It held my attention and it also threw me for a loop. I was very glad that I read it. Remember, this isn’t a cheating fic and it does jump time lines frequently, but honestly the way we get to watch the characters grow and mature is amazing.

WIP of the Week: 2/20/12

Sandcastles and Making it Work by duhitsangie

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7040525/1/Sandcastles_and_Making_it_Work

Review by Mama_Doofus

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Characters: Edward/Bella

Summary: Bella is spending her spring break in Florida with her mom, and she's hating being away from her friends. Can a certain bronze haired boy change that? *2nd place in Showers to Flowers contest* Where is Edward moving to? Can they make it work? NOW EXPANDED

This story grabbed me and made me keep reading from the moment I started it. It's so fluffy and super adorable that my hopeless romantic heart can barely take it! Lol! The story starts with Bella spending some time with her mother, Renee, down in Florida. Renee suckered Bella into staying an extra week. She went to the beach one day that week, tripped and fell into the arms of Edward. She helped him and his little brother, Masen, build a sandcastle and thought they would never see each other again. Turns out, Renee and Edward's mom, Esme, are really good friends and Renee had invited them all out to her house for dinner one night. After that dinner, Edward and Bella spend the rest of the week together and decided when their week was over, they would try to make their relationship work, as not only would it be a long distance relationship, but Edward was moving out of Florida. He just didn't know where exactly it was that his family was relocating to, and he was really mad that he had to move to a new school in his last few years of high school. Where did he end up moving you ask? Well...I'm not telling you that...you'll have to read it for yourself.

Here's a little of what you’re missing out on...

After a while, I decided to get up and go back to the house. As I stood, I noticed he was watching me, a small smirk on one side of his face, as he looked me up and down in my bikini. 

I wasn't usually self-conscious about my body, but the way he was looking at me, made me want to hide in my towel. 

I walked past them, trying to appear nonchalant, when of course, being me, I tripped. 

I closed my eyes, ready to feel the sand all over my back, but it never came. 

Instead two arms cradled me, holding me off the ground in bridal position. 

"Did you do that on purpose?" a smooth voice chuckled. 

"No!" I shouted, opening my eyes and looking into the green eyes of sand castle dude. "I'm really clumsy." 

"Oh," he said, looking almost disappointed as he set me back on my feet. 

"Oh shit, please don't tell me I ruined the sand castle," I said suddenly, hoping I didn't somehow step on it when I tried to catch my balance. 

"Ooh, you said a bad word," the little boy said, wagging his finger at me. 

"Sorry," I said, covering my mouth to hide my smile. He looked so cute reprimanding me. 

"Don't worry about it," sand castle dude laughed. "And the sand castle is fine, I caught you before you could land on it." 

"Oh good, I wouldn't want to mess it up, it's amazing." 

"So you've been watching us build?" he smirked.
 

"Actually," I smirked back. "I've been watching him," I pointed at the kid. "Build. He's really good." 

"Thank you," the little boy smiled. "Do you want to help?" 

"I.." 

"We could use another pair of hands," SCD said, grabbing my hand in his, making a shiver run up my spine despite the hot weather. 

"Sure," I heard myself say, before sitting down on the sand between them. 

"I'm Masen, and you're pretty," the little boy said, smiling as he held his hand out for me to shake. 

"I'm Bella," I chuckled, taking his tiny hand in mine. "It's nice to meet you Masen, and I think you're very handsome." 

He blushed, picking up a bucket and running to the ocean to get some water. 

"I'm Edward," SCD said, picking up my hand again and bring it to his lips. "And I happen to agree with my brother, Bella." 

I bit my lip, the sound of my name on his lips and the feel of his kiss on my hand, was driving me crazy. 

What are you waiting for?! Go read Sandcastles and Making it Work and go enjoy yourself some good, old fluff.

One Shot of the Week: 2/13/12

A Lifetime in 10 Weeks by AgoodWITCH

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6214199/1/A_Lifetime_in_10_Weeks

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Formerly the fat kids at camp, Bella & Edward return having shed the extra weigh & are ready for what the summer holds. Will the pressure of new-found popularity be too much for them to take, or will love win out? Written for Camp Twilight Contest

New Fic of the Week: 2/13/12

The Veil by Belladonnacullen

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7784269/1/The_Veil

Review by Obsmama and FictionFreak95

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: You always have the choice between life and death... until you don't. There is poetry at the beginning and end of our journey, but it's what you make of the interim that counts. BxE, rated M, canon parings.

So few words, so many emotions, this woman. Example numero uno...

 ~ excerpt from chapter 1 ~ 

Nighttime, in Edward's arms, his breath in my hair. "You are my life now," he whispers. 

I wrap my limbs tighter. I don't want space between us. I need his hands to make me come alive. I need him to light these dark times I have away. 

"I'll love you forever," he breathes as he rolls a nipple between rough finger pads. 

There is no forever. Not for me. 

"No forever tonight," I insist. 

He sighs. 

"Just now," I request climbing astride. There's no lingerie tonight. I want skin on skin, slipping against satin sheets. Men in this position don't often argue. Edward is no different. His hands grip my hips, pressing our bodies together where it counts. Forward, up, down, we both groan as he fits inside. 

 I slide; he pumps. I press thighs, he grabs my ass. 

"Come here," he demands. 

I fall forward and his lips catch mine. He sets the pace. His biceps flex as he rocks me forward. Faster, harder… I sweat, I tingle. He tugs my hair; I arch my back. 

His lips close over my breast. 

Eternity is just a kiss away. 

JO: Mama, goosebumps.

MAMA: Right?

JO: I love that she’s doing a vamp fic.

MAMA: This isn’t vamp.

JO: Um. Yes it is.

MAMA: What makes you think that?

JO:W ell, how about we just visit chapter 2, then, shall we?

 "Do you pray?" 

"Not in some time," Edward answers. I seek solace against his chest. Fresh air wafts through the window and I snuggle in. His chin rests atop my head. "My father did, though. He was a man of great faith… Do you?" 

 "I prayed today, with a patient." Edward's arms clutch tighter. I wriggle against him, reveling in the feel of his bare skin against mine. His long legs reach past my feet and his pale skin glimmers against brown satin. 

His mouth slides to my ear. "I would pray for you." 

"But you already have me." 

Edward chuckles. "Perhaps, but not in the way I'd prefer. Let me rephrase. I would pray with you – if you needed it." 

"I wouldn't know where to start." 

His hands slip through my arms until he's hugging my breasts. 

 "Pater noster, qui es in caelis," he whispers in my ear. My body trembles. 

"What's that?" 

"The way to start - The Lord's Prayer." 

"Do you know more?" 

His lips slip to my neck. "Sanctificetur nomen tuum," he hums, murmuring his way to my collarbone. 

I sigh. Thighs press together. 

"Adveniat regnum tuum." 

I roll to my side; a knee parts my legs. Hands clasp breasts; fingers find nipples. His mouth is occupied with my earlobe and the only sound is the scuttle of dry leaves against the downspouts. 

"Thy will be done?" I prompt, hoping for more. 

His breath baths my shoulder. 

"Sicut in caelo et in terra." The words ripple and roll over my skin. Edward presses my body against his and holds my top leg folded against my chest. He plunges and rocks, filling me completely. I'm lost in the lull of his voice and the rhythm of his cock. 

"Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, 

et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. 

Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, 

sed libera nos a malo. 

Amen." 

MAMA: Ok, maybe it's vamp.

JO: It’s totally vamp. OK, so tell me why you love this fic so much.

MAMA: I love it because even with dealing with something as hard as death Belladonnacullen breathes such life in to this story. I don’t feel like its a story about dying, I feel like its a story about living. The erotic nature of these characters has me in a tailspin, as well. What drew you in Jo?

JO: What draws me into any BDC fic? There is just something about the way she writes a story that makes it feel like poetry. And the mystery... she’s always pulling me in by not telling me a whole hell of a lot at first. Like Bella’s scars... ya know? And not to mention the ridiculous sexiness of these two is just... NNNNF. And the little tid bit hints of the secrecy behind him.

~ from chapter 3 ~ 

"But if I were you, I'd be talking about my hot new boyfriend instead of all the people dropping dead around me." 

"His hands weren't hot," Vivienne states. 

MAMA: Did you see how playful she made them in that last update? There is just such a great balance. She never lets you get caught up in the sadness that is Bella’s job. I can’t wait to see where shes taking this. Do you think we could get her to spill some secrets?

 ~ from Chapter 4 ~ 

I jumped across the couch in Edward's direction, spinning as I went. 

"Dude, have some fun!" 

"I do have fun." 

"Listening to jazz? Please." I resumed shouting along with Joe Elliot. 

Pour some sugar on me 

Ooh, in the name of love 

In the space of a breath Edward was standing in front of me on the couch, his hands planted against the wall on either side of my head. I stopped shouting, and moving and breathing, even as my body flashed to attention and came alive. 

"Don't tell me how I feel. I do have fun," he rumbled. 

JO: I KNOW! I could totally see Bella in my head jumping around like a maniac and Edward being all bored to death. So classic *coughs* vampire *coughs* … LOL but regarding her secrets... I’m gonna have to say, highly doubtful mama... unfortunately... you know how she likes to make us squirm.

MAMA: FINE. I guess I will just have to keep reading and I can’t wait to see if this is really a vamp and where she's taking us. I love it each and every chapter is more beautiful then the one before it. Thanks for reading with me Jo.

JO: You are so welcome mama... and I completely agree with you on this... with every chapter I open, it’s more and more sensual, more and more interesting and there are definitely more and more secrets to be revealed... and for the record, I am also in complete agreement with you about this fic being more about life... and how Bella is so torn because she truly loves this man, wants to spend eternity with him (because he’s a vamp) but really wants to keep her humanity... especially as we watch her watching patients hold on to hope, even as they die all around her.

~ from chapter 4 ~ 

I open the door and I'm bathed in candlelight. I smell roasting meat in the kitchen. 

I get it. 

"Hard day at the office?" he asks, sending shivers down my spine. 

This is my life. 

He greets with a kiss, and large, gentle hands slip around my waist. 

It is what it is. 

"I love you," I murmur. The words fall from my lips like they've been waiting my whole life to be spoken. 

 I still want to keep it. 

We can’t say enough about how beautifully told this story is. I have never seen the topics of love and death so well intermingled and it leaves you thinking when the chapter is over. The sensuality is breathtaking and relationships are so well developed. We would love for you to join in reading and discussing this story with us.

Completed Fic of the Week: 2/13/12

The Stench Wars by BookishQua

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7146068/1/The_Stench_Wars

Review by AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD

Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Edward returns from Italy to find Jacob Black has become Bella's BFF and is interfering with their relationship. Jacob Black is never going to know what has hit him. AU Eclipse Satire. ExB

This week’s completed fic of the week will have you laughing from beginning to end. Dubbed Romance/Humor it is the complete Eclipse Satire and it is completely funny.

The story is told by our favorite vampire Edward Cullen. We begin in Italy, and this Edward is a little out of character from how we normally expect him to be. In this version of Eclipse he lets us into not only his mind but the minds of those around him to give us a new perspective from our favorite characters.

Determined to put Jacob Black in his place, while still being the loving and supportive boyfriend/fiancé that Bella needs him to be, Edward garners help from the most unexpected parties, including Marcus and Aro from the Volturi, and even Gus and Douglas his friendly neighborhood gopher and squirrel.

Edward along with his family and friends decide to torture the wolves— in a totally non-violent and humorous way—practically from the minute they return from Italy. Edward convinces a few of them that not only is he a vampire that drinks animal blood but also a devil worshiper that sacrifices the animals that he kills. Thus beginning a beautiful friendship with the small rodents and wildlife in the area.

Perhaps I said a fervent prayer or two to the Dark Lord and wiped blood on my cheeks in the shape of runes in a grossing out grudge fest. My noise startled a gopher–I think it was– to pop out of his hole and do the animal equivalent of pointing at me and shrieking. He was on the edge of the wolves's hearing ability. 

I mouthed to him, "I'm totally faking this. Work with me and there's a bag of tulip bulbs in it for you." He blinked at me, grinned, and held up two claws. "Fine. Two it is." We fist bumped. Then, putting a paw to his forehead, he promptly let out a pathetic sounding wail, fake fainted and slid right back down to his underground tunnel. The pack thought I killed him with my knife-like breath of doom and flick of my fist. Aided by the snapping of a few twigs on my part. I let out a malevolent laugh right as a clap of thunder boomed. Am I awesome or what? 

"Thank you, Dark Master for my new familiar!" I cried waving a bloody fist towards the sky. "Our souls are bound together for eternity! Mwa-hah-hah!" How DID the hollywood actors do that laugh and not completely crack up? I could hear the ground hog cheeping with guffaws down below and stomped on the earth just hard enough to tell him to keep it down without bringing his roof crashing on his head. He was ruining my performance. And I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing thanks to him. He chortled harder. Fortunately that sounded like animals squealing, so the wolves thought I was killing more of them with my mighty feet of Doom. 

This parody has so much humor I can’t even begin to cover it. I know that once you’ve read it you will be ROTFLYAO, much like I was. Seriously the looks I got from my kids while reading this story were a little worrisome. If you are in the mood for a laugh and some out of character humor from our favorite Edward Cullen, and some much needed torture for the toddler (aka Jacob Black) give this one a whirl. BookishQua does a good job and keeping it light.

WIP of the Week: 2/13/12

Fox Fire by WoodLily

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5661822/1/Fox_Fire

Review by Honorella

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Supernatural
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: "Bella Swan had become beautiful to me. The pain of that realization stung worse than venom ever could." Nominated for an Eternity Award: Edward's Twilight, but not Midnight Sun. AU detours/missing moments. The slow burn begins with the flight to Alaska.

Are you a canon lover who wishes that that Twilight was, well, better? Are you kind of annoyed at how Edward is sidelined as the saga progresses? Then Fox Fire by Woodlily is for you. The Edward of Midnight Sun is redrawn and a bright light is shone on every detail of the early days of his bloodlust turned ardent love for Bella, as all of the key chapters of the first Twilight story are faithfully retold.

 Edward’s fascination with Bella bewilders him. His life is turned upside down and we’re reminded that despite a century of existence, there is so much of regular experience that is plain confusing. “I was the seventeen year old boy whose body I still inhabited, and I had no idea what to say next”. There are moments of loveliness where the reader aches for this lost boy “I sat in the flickering darkness, hugging my long limbs to myself — gangly, scarecrow limbs that never did fill out. Scarecrow's limbs and spider's fingers: who would welcome their touch?”.

It is not only desire which is new to him, but more simple emotions such as loneliness. He suddenly realises what his life is missing. Yet all of these new, overwhelming feelings raise dark questions which Edward struggles to contain.

But for me, normality existed on the surface only. Carlisle was right that I had experienced a great change. For want of a better metaphor, I felt like a cheap snow globe that had been shaken up and thrown across the room. I had been lucky to land right side up, but the pieces on the inside were not falling back into place. 

I would have been all right. I could have kept up the façade, had Bella not rapidly wormed her way under my skin. To put it bluntly, my battle against her was lost before it had even begun.

Woodlily’s skill is in effectively slowing down the action of Twilight and forcing the reader to focus on Edward and his terrible situation, without the distraction of Bella’s voice:

For I had fallen in love with my natural prey. Alone, in the dark, there could be no more denial. I had loved her for weeks. I loved her . . . despite the basest instincts of my nature. Though it appalled the cynic in me, I felt there must be some truth to the notion of love at first sight. 

How else had I found the strength to leave her alive that first day? 

Something had changed in me that moment we met. I had been irrevocably altered, and fighting it ever since. I'd believed that pride and curiosity had drawn me back from Alaska, but it was her allure that tipped the balance. Her eyes, her voice had never left me, nor had they since.

 His anxiety about Bella’s safety and need for control, so often parodied, is borne out of experience. His memories, particularly of Rosalie’s changing by Carlisle are foregrounded to illustrate this and also to remind the reader that he truly sees himself as The Monster, beyond redemption.

Bella is also given a depth and detail missing in canon. She is fascinating to him - starting with her scent and her unwitting refusal to give up her thoughts, through her fearlessness and intelligence. She is a worthy mate.

She was… intriguing. Her responses to my questions had been cautious – that wasn't surprising, given my behaviour last week. But their measured thoughtfulness revealed a maturity beyond her years that I had not expected. I had never come across another seventeen year old like her in all my years. 

And, she was perceptive, too. She had pointed out some of the little markers that made me different, which no other human here had ever done. Without a doubt, she would have noticed them in the others, too. For instance, had she seen that we never seemed to eat? What else had she picked up on? No wonder she made Rosalie uncomfortable.

 As the story progresses, the tension grows as Edward gradually overcomes his fears.

 Softer, sweeter-tasting than I'd dreamed, her lips were twin pillows of flame against mine. I was prepared for that. It was bearable—it was more than bearable—it was good. I was prepared for the rising blood haze. I knew how to keep myself in check. 

But I was not prepared for her response. She gasped wildly and her fingers were in my hair again, twining, pulling, knotting themselves in. Had I been human, it might have hurt a little. She clutched me to her; her breasts pressed and moved against my chest. I found myself grasping the collar of her shirt; my knuckles rasped her collarbone. 

With a soft moan her lips parted, and I breathed in the scent of chocolate and flowers and blood.”

Life is about to intrude on the two lovers, as this story is 26 chapters in. If your fancy is for (not quite) AU, go back to basics and spend some time with Edward again. Fox Fire will not disappoint.

One Shot of the Week: 2/6/12

Unexpected Explanations by SammieLynnsMom

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6403046/1/Unexpected_Explanations

Rating: M
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Bella was forced out of LA when she was 12. Now back nearly a decade later helping her uncle make sense of clerical issues in his office, Bella meets someone who catches her attention. What happens when the reason she left comes back to haunt her?

New Fic of the Week: 2/6/12

Crash & Burn by TwiStarJunkie

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7642507/1/Crash_Burn

Review by Dragonfly336

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: When Bella Swan moves to Forks and runs into the Cullens, she finally feels like she's home, but the absence of one proves to trouble her. Edward, now the black sheep of the family, lives life plagued by drug addiction. Could Bella be his saving grace?

I am a sucker for a good story about addiction. So when I read the summary to Crash & Burn by TwiStarJunkie, I had to give it a go. At six chapters in, I haven’t regretted it since.

We first meet Bella when she is about to leave her and Charlie’s home in Lake Arthur, Louisiana to go back to Forks, where they lived until she was thirteen. Bella and Alice were best friends growing up and she was close to the rest of the Cullen’s as well. She recently reconnected with Alice via Facebook and she decided she needed a fresh start, because of the demons of her past, she decides Forks is the place to go. Bella notices that Alice never speaks of Edward and wonders what happened to him. She confronts Alice about it many times, but she gives Bella no answers. When she finally gets to Forks, she is reunited with all the Cullen’s, except for Edward. She overhears Emmett on the phone and learns what has become of Edward.

When the line went dead, I pocketed my phone and turned back to see Emmett talking heatedly into his phone. I had hid around the side of the house so I was out of his sight. 

"I told you, don't you dare fucking show up here! Do you really want her friend to see that? Christ, Edward, you can't even manage to button your damn clothes correctly, much less walk in a straight fucking line. Do you really think that I'm going to tell you to get in a car, knowing you're fucking high as a kite right now? Mark my words; if I see you pull up, I'm calling the fucking cops." With that, Emmett ended the call and slid the phone into his back pocket. 

My stomach plummeted. Was I strong enough to do this? Edward was a drug addict. That thought made me uneasy, but in the end, I decided that there was no way I could live in the same city as him and not go by to at least say hi. I needed to see him for myself. 

I quietly walked up beside Emmett. "You still aren't ready to feed me?" I asked as my stomach gurgled. 

"Almost. I take it that you overheard some of that?" he asked with a sigh. 

"Some, but it's all right. It's not my business. Do you have any advice for me since I'm staying with Alice and Jasper until the house is done?" 

"You'll need pillows to sleep on, and then an extra to smother your face with." 

Bella does find out about Edward’s past through Emmett later that night. She gets upset by the attitude that Emmett has that his brother has always been completely in the wrong and wants to get the other side of the story. She decides to pay Edward a visit earlier than she intended to.

"I'm sorry, but…who the hell are you?" he asked hoarsely. Even with the hoarseness, his voice was still velvet smooth as it washed over me. This was not fucking good for me. Having such a strong reaction to someone I'd always thought of as a brother…yet, I was feeling everything but sisterly right now. 

"You don't recognize me?" I asked him softly. 

He took a step back, his eyes raking over me. After a moment, he scratched at his head and took a drag off of his cigarette. "Am I supposed to know you or something?" 

"Well I would hope so," I answered, placing my hands on my hips and arching a brow at him. 

"I'm drawing a blank, doll. I think you've got the wrong guy." With that he turned and began to head back inside the house. 

"You didn't say goodbye to me when I left fifteen years ago, Edward Cullen, so I'll be damned if I let you turn me away now without so much as a fucking hello," I barked. 

I watched as he stopped and whipped around suddenly, eyes narrowed as he puffed at his cigarette. He seemed to be trying to think back, which didn't take long because seconds later, his eyes widened and the cigarette fell to the ground beside him. 

"Bella?" 

I really like this Bella. She is a little hardened by her past, but she has learned to be upfront with people and has a take-no-bullshit attitude. This story also has the dynamic of Edward’s family wanting absolutely nothing to do with him, which is a nice twist from the supportive Cullen clan that we are used to. TwiStarJunkie seamlessly weaves some humor into the heavy also. I can’t wait to find out how this story plays out! So, come and join me! You won’t regret it!

Completed Fic of the Week: 2/6/12

Speaking in Code by mamabean

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7399839/1/Speaking_in_Code

Review by AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD

Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Edward Cullen's trash is his neighbors' torture, and now his house is in violation of Chapter 36 of the Seattle Municipal Code. When Inspector Swan shows up to issue a citation, sparks will fly! ExB, AH

Imagine if you will a spoiled rich kid that has no need to actually hold down a job so he fills his spare time with torturing his neighbors and suing the city for miscellaneous wrongs he feels they have committed against him. That explains our fair Edward in this week’s completed fic.

Edward has recently lost his father and gained a whole lot of money. He has decided to sit back and relax with his friend and roommate Jasper, while redecorating their uppity neighborhood with other people’s trash. In comes Bella Swan, Seattle’s newest building inspector to force Mr. Cullen to clean up his act and boy does that pay off big.

Our illustrious Bella, who struggled to find a job as an architect after college, is offered a building inspector position from a friend of her family, Jacob Black. No worries there, I promise, he really is just a family friend that has Bella’s best interest at heart. Being in a career dominated by men Bella has to take a lot of crap. This includes being handed off the job of inspecting Edward Cullen’s home, when the other inspector’s know that he will be nothing but difficult. Fortunately, our Bella takes it all in stride and stands her ground where Mr. Cullen is concerned.

"Well, we can't put it inside, it might have bedbugs and germs and shit, right? And no one could see it in the backyard, so it has to be in the front. Don't look at me, I didn't make up the rules." He paused to consider. "Well, maybe I did make up the rules, but I might have been slightly inebriated at the time so… there you go." He smiled and nodded at me like that explanation made perfect sense, and I should turn around and leave him to his craziness. 

I cleared my throat and tried to regain my sense of reality. "Actually, Mr. Cullen, having all this garbage in your front yard is a violation of the City's municipal code. Section 21, Chapter 36 prohibits the accumulation of solid waste like this. I'm afraid you'll have to clean it up." I said matter-of-factly. 

"Well of course, then. Your wish is my command," he said, sarcasm hanging heavily from his words. "Um… no. Sorry, but I can't do that, Inspector. It would pretty much break Jasper's heart. Plus we'll just go find more tomorrow, so what's the point?" He shrugged and looked at me innocently. 

"This may come as a shock to you, Mr. Cullen, but the City of Seattle doesn't care about Jasper's heart, or the rules of your silly game." I smiled smugly. Damn it, when did I get smug? I hated smugness - it reminded me of the senior inspectors that I was so happy to be free of. Stupid, handsome Edward Cullen was flustering me and bringing out my smug side. I had to put a stop to this. 

Edward learns that it may be time to grow up when he finds himself flustered by Inspector Swan. Now this version of Edward is a cocky one, but not without reason. His dad has recently died and he wasn’t much of a dad to Edward, who has had to practically raise himself. To top it all off, his father left behind a harpy of a fiancée that thinks that it would be a good idea to tell Edward that she is pregnant with his father’s child 3 months after he passed away. All of this drama has Edward acting much like a child and Inspector Swan is just what he needs to force him to grow up.

When I finally stopped talking, Emmett looked perplexed. "So what have you done to fix it?" he asked. 

"Fix it? What do you mean?" 

"Well, if you really like this girl, can't you take back your appeal and clean up the shit in your front yard? And those other clients… you convinced them to appeal, now can't you convince them to drop their cases?" Emmett stated simply. 

I felt foolish as I thought about his suggestion - it seemed so obvious. However, despite how much I wanted Bella to like me, my whole being rebelled at the thought of just rolling over and giving in to my pushy neighbors and the city court. Also, I had a duty to the people I had signed up as my clients – I had to represent their cases to the best of my ability. 

"I don't know if it's that simple, Em," I said. "But maybe there's something I can do…" 

Speaking in Code gives us an Edward that we don’t see very often, a fun loving, irresponsible guy that quickly realizes that there may be more important things in life than screwing around. If you need a well written, funny, and short story, this one will really make your day. I hope you will give it a try!

WIP of the Week: 2/6/12

All That Remains by The Edwardians

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6723327/1/All_That_Remains

Review by Mama_Doofas

Rating: M
Genre: Angst/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: He had it all; perfect wife, beautiful children and a job he loved. Until she walked into his life and turned it upside down. When the dust settles after fate is through with them, who will be left standing?

Back when this story first came out, I kept hearing that it was a Cheaterward fic...so...I'll be honest, I stayed away from it. Then it came up as the next one needing to be reviewed, and because of its “reputation” I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it. But, for some reason, it kept taunting me, saying “read me” (yes...I know...I'm crazy, fics talk to me, ok?!...lol) So, I gave in and said I would do it.

Best...decision...I...made! No joke!

This fic is nothing like what you think it is. It's well written, and truly sucked me in right from the beginning. Edward marries his high school sweetheart, Angela. They both had plans, they wanted to go to college and become doctors, the whole nine yards. So to Edward, it just made sense. They wanted the same things in life and he was sure that he loved Angela enough. He decided he wanted to get into pediatrics; Angela went into the research field. Right around their last few months of schooling, Angela finds out that she's pregnant with twins. They get married, have the twins and to make sure that the twins don't interfere with Angela's time consuming carrier, they decide to hire an au pair (a nanny of sorts). That's where Bella comes in. Angela does a phone interview, likes what she hears and loves her application so much that she decides that she wants to hire Bella. So, Bella moves from Canada to Chicago and becomes their au pair. The first time Edward and Bella meet, is a day that changes all their lives forever.

Here is a bit of what you are missing...

"See anything you like?" the saleslady asked me. 

"Oh, thanks but I was just looking." I answered her. 

She took out the ring I had been looking at and put it in front of me. How do they always know what you are looking at, I wondered. "Try it on," she said. 

"Really, no thank you, I was just looking. It is very pretty though thanks." I told her. 

"Try it on," Edward said over my right shoulder. He startled me. I hadn't realized that he had followed me around the store. 

"No, no, I was just looking…" I tried to explain. "Just try it on. You don't have to buy it." He said. 

So I put it on. It fit my first finger perfectly and looked really nice. "It is really pretty," I told the saleslady. "Thanks for letting me try it on." 

"My pleasure," she said. As she stood in front of me I heard someone call our number for the wrapped package. Edward said he would go get it and I stood where I was with the twins. 

"You two look very much in love," the saleslady said, "you can always tell by the way two people look at each other and the way that man looks at you…well, you are one lucky lady." She finished. 

Say what? I was shocked. "Oh no, we aren't…" 

"Excuse me Miss…may I see this watch please?" a customer yelled at her. 

"Oh excuse me Miss. Have a pleasant holiday." She said as she walked away. 

I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Edward looked at me like he was in love? I looked at him like I was in love? Dear Lord, is that what I looked like every time I looked at him? If that was the case then everyone must know how I feel about him. Oh my God, I think I am going to hyperventilate. Shit. Right in the middle of the store. This cannot be happening. Everyone must know about how I feel and I thought I was doing such a great job of hiding it. 

This story is so beyond what I thought it really was. I'm actually still kicking myself in the ass for not starting this story sooner...lol. So...take my advice and go check out All That Remains ASAP!

One Shot of The Week: 1/30/12

Loving and Hating Jacob Black by wandb

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6350841/1/

Rating: M
Genre: Angst/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Bella's stuck with a daily reminder of Jacob's rejection- his perfect new girlfriend constantly in her face. When Jacob gets married, can Bella find happiness again in an unexpected way? B/E AH. Rated M. Entry for the Love Lost Contest.

New Fic of the Week: 1/30/12

Red Kryptonite by SaritaDreaming

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7486753/1/Red_Kryptonite

Review by maxandmo

Rating: M
Genre: Drama/Romance
Characters: Edward & Bella

Summary: Edward Masen: Bounty hunter. Isabella Swan-Hunter: Bail jumper. He's hired to bring her back for trial, but he's not prepared for what happens once he gets a taste of her. Death, lies, betrayal, toxicity, hope, desire. Who will survive? AU/Lemons

What sounds more intriguing than Edward as a bounty hunter? In my opinion, not much! Add a bounty hunter who is hired by Senator James Hunter to find his wife, who happens to be a Mrs. Isabella Marie Swan-Hunter, and who happens to be a vampire, and we have the start of a very interesting story.

Edward uses his vampire assets to easily find his subjects making him very good at his job. He reads their minds and his strong ethics make it so that he never takes a job looking for an innocent person.

My name is Edward Masen, and I'm a bounty hunter. A vampire bounty hunter able to read the minds of my quarry, which greatly assists me in ascertaining their guilt or innocence. I also have a hobby of drinking blood—both from those I hunt and those who hunt me; I tend to be quite popular with the ladies. 

He is estranged from his family because they don't agree with his quest for human blood. Edward only kills those, who, in his opinion, deserve death. Having said that, I've never read a fic where the act of feeding on a human was sexy, until now.

The members of my former 'family' don't approve of my habit of feeding off humans. 

They all subsist on animal blood—a practice that turns my stomach. It's unnatural to attempt to deny our vampire nature. On the other hand, I understand their desire not to kill innocents. Those I kill deserve death. The vile filth, the dregs of society, are deaths easily justified, but I find that women in the throes of sexual pleasure taste best, which is why I employ the art of seduction. 

Edward easily locates Isabella Swan-Hunter, but quickly realizes that there is more to the story than he knows. Her record is clean, and he learns she is suffering from a serious illness making him wonder how she ended up being wanted for Attempted Murder.

Red Kryptonite is only four chapters in, and without giving too much away, we are in for a really different vamp fic. Saritadreaming is doing a great job at writing an exciting and well written story with a definite twist. I can't wait to see where this goes!